At the fourteenth consecutive episode of Courtesies for guests, daughter of the semi-quarantine voluntary of these days, I was assailed by two completely mixed feelings: on the one hand the desire to organize a few dinners with friends as soon as possible – safety permitting, of course – to launch myself in the preparation of some thematic menu from the hermetic interpretation; on the other, the tremendous anxiety of having to submit to judgment of possible guests. Yes, because the Real Time program – which as we all know by now challenges two couples of hosts on the treacherous terrain of a dinner to be organized – has the strange power to enter your head like the brutal torture of the Chinese drop. Moral: while shortly after I took out my American placemat from the cutlery drawer and set it with a miserable fork (from spaghetti? From smooth pens? From vialone nano rice? Oh God, I don't know!) Put on the wrong side of the plate, I felt on me all the imaginary disappointment of the look of Csaba from Zorza. Because yes, in the depths of my soul I can feel that she, the graceful guardian of good taste and good manners, would really like to transform me into a skilled host capable of going beyond the pizzas ordered at home, served directly in the cardboard to avoid a passage dishes in the dishwasher. To try, therefore, to pay homage to his civilization efforts, I thought of drawing up a list of rules that I (more or less) learned thanks to this cathodic full immersion, very precious to organize a 10 and praise dinner and win once and for all the performance anxiety. Or anxiety from Csaba, what can we say.

The tea service VS the dessert service

I confess my ignorance. Before running into the marathons of Courtesy for the hostsi these days, I happily ignored the difference between the different types of tsp. Or rather, I stopped at the big / small / very small distinction, thinking it was more often than not a simple design choice. Ditto for the forks, which I had never observed carefully enough to notice the differences in sides and edges (not teeth, edges, flaps!). Moral: pay attention to what we bring to the table, because a micro-teaspoon will certainly not be good for eating ice cream and tiramisu, as well as the fish fork – albeit small – can never be accompanied with a tart. Study, people, study.

A firm no to folds

Few things like them wrinkled tablecloths they manage to curl Csaba's ever-elegant lips into an expression of bitter disappointment. Why not, it is not enough to pull the thousand thousand lire kit of the great-great-grandmother out of the drawer to make a good impression: the misplaced folds denote approximation, both on the tablecloth and on the napkin. And the approximation, you know, is anything but chic.

The world under the tablecloth

Okay, we found the most beautiful tablecloth in the realm, and we stretched it millimeter by millimeter with a dedication and skill that not even the Laos wicker craftsmen. But – alas! – still not enough. Because under the tablecloth, especially if with lace decorations, at least one is needed under tablecloth, fixed in a model. In short, we dress our onion table, as the mid seasons demand.

Question of lama

The blade of the knife must face towards the plate. The blade of the knife must face towards the plate. The blade of the knife must face towards the plate. Anyone have questions about it? No thanks.

The dilemma of the napkin

In reality it is not a real dilemma. The napkin, which – let's repeat it – must always and in any case be ironed and folded to the point, should be placed on the left. Do we want to be splendid with a napkin holder? Ok, let's try. Do we want to try to rewrite the rules and put everything in the soup plate with the accompanying pine cone and ring napkin holder carved by hand in marble? Bah! But it can be tolerated. Do we want to surprise guests by recreating with the fabric a collection of wonderful origami that range from the Little Red Riding Hood wolf to the Burmese rock python? No, here, maybe let's avoid that.

It's easy to say "white"

White dishes, tablecloths and napkins are a classic choice, it is true, and sometimes a little predictable; but also safe enough not to avoid sensational slips. Provided that shades of white choices do not punch each other. Yes, because combining an optical white – cold and bright – with a more amber warm white could ruin the success of the table. We all remember what was said of the approximation, right?

The importance of glasses

The glasses, besides having to be filled at the right point – neither too much nor too little – must appear substantially consistent with the rest of the table. And yes, in the end, simplicity once again triumphs: the cases in which a glass made of 200 prisms of wood-fired crystals and assembled with human heat can be pleasant are counted on the fingertips. There is no need to reiterate how important it is to use super-clean glasses, without traces of limescale spots. But even without strange smells, which are of «eighteenth century cupboard powder or «lemon plantation transformed into detergent.

No land at the table

No, a centerpiece it cannot reasonably weigh 127 kilos. Nor does it contain poplars, cypresses and two rose bushes inside, just to clarify. But above all he must never in any way put the show in plain sight land: on the other hand, no guest would ever want to find traces of brown powder on the tablecloth, next to their glass; let alone undergo a dinner of wet musk.

Vegetables? It depends

A centerpiece prepared with various vegetables and any assembled together can be an original idea, and therefore a winning one. But the rules to follow, in this case, are at least two: 1) the vegetables in question must be very fresh, beautiful and do not give off particular odors; 2) the dimensions of the various components must never be exaggerated. In short, to understand each other, some peppers here and there could also be there. A cauliflower or an eggplant, however, no.

Say it with a flower

The one of flowers is probably the most refined of languages that was ever conceived. So yes, it is essential to learn how to use it in the most correct way, even when it comes to choosing some cut flowers to decorate your table. On the other hand, we all know that the yellow rose is a symbol of jealousy, the white one of purity and the red one of passion. But perhaps it escapes us that gerberas and chrysanthemums, even if they are wonderful and colorful, shout "funeral" and "cemetery". Unsuitable, Csaba would comment. And in this case too, he would be terribly right.